coming home

i left sunny california and flew home to oregon,
canvasing the snow-capped dark blue mountain tops once again,
and even though i'd left a place where everything felt warm,
and my hair didn't freeze when i turned off the shower,
i knew that i was coming home for the first of many times.
i have much more in common with the ice and snow and rain
than i think i ever really had before,
my bones seemed brittle, cold,
i was frozen from the inside out,
the only thing still burning was my head and not my heart,
as i pressed it almost desperately
against a two-paned airplane window,
begging for the cold to soothe my mind,
thinking briefly of the life preserver underneath my seat,
and wondering if it could save me now.
i doubt it,
and i held my souvenirs so close and tight,
a t shirt and a necklace and a tortured hollow heart,
so pardon me and all my faults,
i've been unrealistically confident,
but now i'm done, that ship is sunk and silent
in the harbor,
and i am home
once again
and that is all that matters.


-kb