Useful or Useless, They Mean the Same Thing

Someone told me to make myself useful,
and everyone wants to know
WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO??
as if doing saves a body, or a soul, or anyone.
as if doing means success.
as if doing means you're happy.
as if HAPPINESS means nothing.
is the world that so far gone?
I've never believed such fairy tales of horror.
So I make myself useful.

I used half the pages from last year's calendar
to soak up that blood-red stain on your stairs,
I thought you stopped drinking last February,
shows how much I know,
or shows how much you care.

I used the other half of those lovely landscape pictures
and I splattered them
or spattered them
across my lonely walls,
AND NOW THE YEAR IS GONE.
The year I did everything and have nothing to show for it.
The year my heart got ripped in two and you watched it happen.
The year I let everyone know what I really thought.
The year the world was supposed to end.
Sometimes I'm glad it didn't,
and it's those times,
of golden hair,
of polished lips and high ambition, of solid wheels,
of a road ahead that's full of hope,
that get me through the dark and to another dawn,
where what I do won't matter and my uselessness is gone.

-kb