everything i want and nothing that i need

Tonight, like the thousands of nights before,
I stare into my bathroom mirror,
asking myself what I am doing,
and trying to make the fogginess clear.

I can only look so deep into my quiet, hazel eyes,
before I get the feeling that I'm seeing my own disguise.

To know myself is something that I've fought for years to do,
But when the advice you give is to yourself, it's hard to follow through.

I'll tell myself again tonight that I deserve the best,
and close my eyes so tightly but my thoughts on him still rest,
I'm done, he's gone, it's over, because I need something more
I repeat this calmly to myself as I have so many times before.

I have to practice patience, someday it will be my turn,
but first I'll come to know myself,
for there's still so much to learn.

-kb