Chemistry v. Reality

Chemistry.
The tingling throughout my whole body when he touches my hand.
The dizziness I can’t prevent when our lips touch.
The breathing I cannot control when he moves close to me.
The danger I realize I am getting into, but somehow I don’t mind.
The way I can’t think clearly about anything.
The feeling of not being physically close enough—when it is almost impossible to be closer.
The way he mumbles my name between breaths.
The way my heart feels connected to his through passion.
The way I can’t sit next to him without my heart pounding out of my chest.
The way my heart shaped necklace moves with the pattern of my heartbeat.
Reality.
The confusion I feel when we part at night.
They way my stomach feels the next morning.
The way I ask myself in my mind “is he the best I could have?” and ignore it.
The way I make up excuses.
The way I block out thoughts of our future.
The way I realize I only want him for the moment.
The feeling of lonliness and dissatisfaction I get when I think about us.
The way my thoughts are only directed toward our physical relationship and lust.
The way I justify.
The way I try to make up for all that he lacks.
The way I realize that I could be happier.
The way I pretend that it’s right.
The harsh reality that hits when i realize it isn’t.

-lc