Again

It happened again tonight,
And I was the one who started it,
My lips were where it all began.
Embrace the night,
but I'm living for the morning,
When the sun will shine,
bright and obnoxious,
blinding my tired eyes
and illuminating all my flaws.
We're not there yet.
We're still in the dark of the late night hours,
Once again, stuck in a cycle that's going nowhere.
I'm enjoying my time,
Avoiding an inevitable end,
but yet again,
Subconsciously smiling,
because I have an escape route.
Do I want it to be so?
Have I doomed myself with self-fulfilling prophecies?
Will it always be a struggle
and a bruised and broken road,
Will that light at the end of the tunnel
always exceed my grasp?
I beg again, answer these questions.
I've dared myself to change,
tried hard enough, at least I thought,
but here I am again.
And I've never been much of a morning person.
So I'll hide my midnight thoughts
inside an ink-less pen,
scribbling out words that make me feel
like I've expressed myself,
but knowing deep down
that not much has been said.

-kb