The Rut

When the main characters of your everyday reality are colliding with the main characters of your past life
Creating scenarios, bizarre, beautiful and immensely exhausting
That's when I realize I'm dreaming
Because only my current dull reality could bring on such reveries
Slumping out of bed and squinting into the bathroom mirror, I see a face that looks more tired than it did 8.25 hours ago
A face that only has the red raw evidence on her chin that he was actually there, and he seemed like he cared half the time
At one heart leaping moment, he grabbed my face with both hands, on both sides, staring straight into my eyes
This reality so vivid it makes it impossible to look away
What I saw was just a flicker
A quick stolen moment of thinking the impossible
I still can't figure out what he saw, other than a tired face I'm sure
and he leaned in and kissed me softly
and I pulled him to me too hard

The rut is deeper and wider than ever
I seem to be dragging my shovel lazily in front of me, only pushing against the dirt
digging deeper
rather than simply climbing out of it
Scratch that- this is not simple
I keep feeling hands pull at my body in careless dancing movements
But they don't mean anything
Those gents are just an empty shell of what I should have
those gents are completely intoxicated with so much more than alcohol
So I go home
where I'm left to my dreams to rely on for a more perfect reality


-bw