For Some Crazy Reason I Can't Let Go, or Some Other Cliche Title

Secretly I hope
that you pray someday that
I will retrace the steps I took
when I left you,
and I plead with every part of me
that you will know why
I had to leave,
and realize how badly
I want to return, but can not.
Those neutral walls, and the showers
with no curtains, and the dark,
heavy doors,
and the beautiful songs,
and the beautiful sounds,
and the beautiful nights,
so many short and scattered memories
to help remember you by.

I threw away the frames
but I can't promise you I didn't
keep the pictures
Your face still lingers in my dreams
so from time to time
I get to see you
and the only time I get to touch you
is in that place between sleeping
and awake,
and I want to stay there forever.

These miles apart make it easier
to say I don't love you, but I fear
the truth I'd feel if I had to say it
face to face
For though I have kept you
so distant, and you me,
you're still as close as I ever
thought you'd be,
and still as close as you ever
were to me.
This could come crashing down
tomorrow, or last for years for
all we know,
I know it's not healthy to hold on
this long,
but I don't want to let you go.

-kb